Saturday, April 28, 2007

Eve Teasing or Bird Watching? Its just a matter of perspective.

A friend posted an entry in his blog which elicited a violent response from me. Since, I wanted to spare him the ordeal of dealing with a 3 page comment, I am posting it here.

Arvind's Post:

If he had just given me the text of his above post, without a hint of who posted it, I could have told you it was written by a man.

Women who grow up in India face all those issues daily. And yes, looking is an issue. Its different from staring. It entails men looking at your breasts and talking. It means understanding that the person in front of you might be talking to you about the weather or about his parents but half his brain is dedicated to imagining how you look naked. How your breasts might feel if he touched them.

It's not just breasts. Imagine the impact on school girls wearing skirts and talking to people twice their age and realizing that these men, these men who are their father's age, who they call uncle or sir, are thinking about sex with them. They might not say it, they might not do it, but their body language is clear enough.

And of course, in our society, most of the time it is considered the woman's fault. Why was she wearing a skirt? If she has big boobs, she should wear a chunni.

So, yes, looking is a problem.

But then again, I am not going to say that it is a huge problem. It is also, to some extent, in a limited way, flattering. It would be good if women were empowered with knowledge. If they knew that its wrong of men to do that. Not just accept it as part of the culture.
When you grow up with any negative in a society, it becomes a part of you. It is not a problem because that is just how things are. As I said, some take it as flattering. It becomes such a part of you that if men stop looking at you, you wonder if something is wrong.

But then, when is it normal for you to let them stare at you, look at you and fantasize about you? When do you make them stop? When do you stand up and say, "Please do not look at me. If you do, I am going to make you hurt"? Do you let them brush against you while walking? Do you ignore them when they say "kya maal hai!" (As in, what a fuckable thing!)? Do you just move away without crying out loud if they put their hand up your skirt in a crowded bus? When you don't know if it was that uncle or that Sadhu or that kid who lives down the street? Do you let them try and kiss you when you are home alone 'cause you can't tell anyone? Where do you draw the line?

So, yes, again, looking is a problem.

The solution is only knowledge. It is just letting that 5th standard girl know that she should say NO. That even though she has seen her elder sister walk by such people with her head down, she should not do that.

It is also about knowledge for these eve teasers. A lot of these men are not really bad (But then no one really is). That 17 year old kid needs to understand that when hanging out with his friends, it is not a cool thing to go 'bird watching'. That it just makes them mild molesters. That 25 year old needs to know that it is OK to fantasize about women in porn magazines but it is not ok to look at their friends or colleagues or students or friend's relatives and think about them naked.

I don't know who started this, but whoever it was, s/he is pretty smart:

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Of Bruises & Cuts, Winds & Surf

Living on the beach has meant one big thing for V and me: More Outdoor Activity

I can, basically, take my board and catch the surf , go jogging on the board walk, go for a swim in river (other side of the house) and even go for swamp safaris.
And oh!, Get tanned
Get bruised. And scraped.
Get Cuts. And scratches.

Its awesome!
I carry these cuts and scrapes with pride. As a reminder of those waves I caught.
The bruises, of the blocks I ran. (No I still can't run a lot)
The scratches, of the
times I fell.
They are reminders of the tiny victories in life which are not related to work.
They are reminders of unexpected happy moments.

On the other hand, the problem is that now, I have to wash my hair every day. If you know how long my hair is, you will understand my dilemma.
Well, Give some to Get more. :)

Logical Religion P 6.0- Fear Not

Living without fighting for your rights is bland. Its boring. Its mind-numbing.

Living with fear is debilitating. But overcoming that fear is exhilirating.
The only way to do that is to do whatever it is that scares you. If you are scared of swimming, go ahead and swim. You WILL overcome it.

Friday, April 13, 2007


I have been receiving a good dose of gossip for the past few months from the various new additions to my group of friends.

All that I can say about it is that I simply hate it. Loath is also more apt.

These kind of conversations leave you hollow from inside and an overall negative feeling.

My resolve: Listen. don't contribute. change the topic.